Janeen Souza

Growing up, everyone would always ask, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” Career wise I could never make up my mind, I wanted to be all sorts of things. But the one thing that I did know was that, I always wanted to be a Mother. I wanted to have a Husband and a Big Family. I grew up with two Loving parents that set such an awesome example of How to Love and Support your Family no matter what. When my husband (John) and I connected in 2005.I knew it in my Gut that this is it. This man will be my husband and we will have that family we both always wanted. 

In June 2006 I received the most wonderful news ever. I was informed that I was currently 4 weeks pregnant. Talk about the Most Happiest moment I’ve ever had in my life. I soon as I left the Doctors I rushed over to John’s working place and shared the news with him. From that moment on. Everything changed. We rejoiced every day and counted down each day it’ll be where we can meet our Precious son. On the morning of December 1, 2006. As I was getting ready for work, a Gush of Water poured out of me. It confused me because I had no idea what that was. John Freaked out and rushed me to the Hospital. That day has been another Life Changing Day for us. The doctor’s informed us that My Water bag broke and that I was in labor. Being 6 months pregnant and Hearing that my baby may not make it, wasn’t what we were expecting to hear. In the early morning of December 2, 2006. Our Son John Souza Jr “JJ” was born a sleeping Angel. It was one of the hardest days we ever experienced. Holding our little baby and not getting the chance to hear his first cry, broke our hearts into pieces. Such a devastating feeling I don’t wish upon anyone. Trying to carry on with our lives we hoped that we would never have to go through that again. But since then it has been our mission to try again. In 2008 received news again that we were having a Baby. It was again a very happy moment and each day after that. Especially when we reached the 36 Weeks mark and was told that we can give birth any day now and that Baby will be okay because she’s already fully developed. But for some reason the next coming days leading up to the 40th week of my pregnancy I had this feeling that something was wrong. On February 16th 2009 I checked into the hospital set myself up in labor and delivery only to find out that Our Daughter had no Heart Beat. I said, “No this can’t be happening, I am not losing another baby again”. Nothing in this world can and will every prepare you for the lost and devastating feeling you go through when giving birth to another Stillborn Baby. I thought to myself, what is wrong with me? Immediately after, I don’t think we really had time to take in what happened. All we had on our minds was, we wanted kids. So our doctor at the time suggested In vitro Fertilization a few months later, which was Successful because we were informed after, that we were expecting twins. This time we were like Okay we will finally get our 2 kids that we lost. Everything was going fine I was seen by a doctor every 3 weeks. And once I got the clear that everything looks good. I was going to move temporary to Oahu where I would be monitored more closely for my Last trimester. On July 28th 2010 I woke up from one of my many Naps that I normally take during the day. Only to feel one of my babies coming out of me while using the Bathroom. I was then rushed to the Hospital to find out I was in labor, fully dilated and ready to give birth. Again, this can’t be happening to me. It’s too early for them to be born yet, their Lungs were not fully developed. It’s unfortunate because Our Hospital Facility did not have the equipment to save our babies. So that night, I gave birth to our 2 sons, they both took their first breath and peacefully went after that. Again, 4 babies I was not able to hear their first cry. After that I fell into a Depression mode. I mean after going through that lost, Who wouldn’t? My husband turned to alcohol and drugs, even attempted to hang himself at one point, But the Rope broke and he fell to the ground off our balcony. I turned to Alcohol and anything that didn’t remind me that I was living in an empty home.  I was not Happy, My Husband was not happy. My Marriage was falling apart. Divorce was such a common word being thrown back and forth. It was such a Dark time for us and it was like that for a long time. But everything Changed the day we walked into the doors of The Word of Truth Church. It was a Christmas Service in 2011. And I was finally convinced and dragged after multiple attempts to go. I was not excited to go or had any desire to be there. My Attitude was bad because what I was feeling at the moment was Betrayal and Hurt. I thought why should I go to Church and Praise God and Listen to all the things he has done. When all he’s done was take away my Joy. All He’s allowed me to do was go through Heartbreak. I was Hurt, I felt let down and I felt alone. But the Moment I walked into the Sanctuary. My life has Changed Forever. At the time I didn’t know what was happening to me, all I know is that I felt this overwhelming feeling has taken over me. And I just broke down and started crying. I could hardly keep myself upright. I kept saying “I’m Sorry, I’m Sorry” over and over again. During all that, all I could hear was, “It’s Okay, It’s Okay, you’re Home Now, everything is going to be Okay” HIS voice was so Clear to me as if God was Standing right next to me. I was so overwhelmed I could hardly pay attention to what was going on during the service. It wasn’t till the following service where I Accepted Jesus, and Received My Salvation. Since then I’ve learned to How to Love, how to heal, how to forgive and How to Live. And it’s been a Blessed Life so far. It’s been a Challenge definitely because my heart’s desire to be a mother was still there. But I had to learn to be Patient. With God’s Help nothing is impossible. On January 11, 2016 John and I had the Honor to finally hear our Baby’s first cry. Levi Souza was born on a Beautiful Monday Morning. Not only was Our Room Filled with Joy and Happiness, but it filled me with Victory. Victory over the fear I had of losing another baby. Victory over the Years of devastation. Victory in knowing we never gave up. Victory over everything that came against us. But because of the Faith, The Hope and The Love I had for Jesus, We Conquered. On June 26, 2017 during the evening we were blessed with Our Daughter Lilydia Souza. Another miracle that God has Blessed us with. And then again on October 8, 2019. We were informed that we were expecting another Baby this Coming May 2020. That’s another Miracle itself, but I’ll share that Testimony another time. Thank You so much for taking the time read my Testimony. I pray that my story will touch lives and encourage those out there to Never Give Up. And Through it all Always Give God all the Glory!! Because He is True and Righteous, and He’ll never leave your side. He will never Stop Fighting for You. God Bless…. Love Janeen Souza