Janeen Souza

Growing up, everyone would always ask, “What do you want to be when you
grow up?” Career wise I could never make up my mind, I wanted to be all
sorts of things. But the one thing that I did know was that, I always wanted to
be a Mother. I wanted to have a Husband and a Big Family. I grew up with
two Loving parents that set such an awesome example of How to Love and
Support your Family no matter what. When my husband (John) and I
connected in 2005.I knew it in my Gut that this is it. This man will be my
husband and we will have that family we both always wanted. 
In June 2006 I received the most wonderful news ever. I was informed that I
was currently 4 weeks pregnant. Talk about the Most Happiest moment I’ve
ever had in my life. As soon as I left the Doctors I rushed over to John’s
working place and shared the news with him. From that moment on,
Everything changed. We rejoiced every day and counted down each day it’ll
be where we can meet our Precious son. On the morning of December 1,
2006. As I was getting ready for work, a Gush of Water poured out of me.
Confused and not knowing what was happening led me to the Hospital. That
day has been another Life Changing Day for us. The doctor’s informed us that
My Water bag broke and that I was in labor. Being 6 months pregnant and
Hearing that my baby may not make it, wasn’t what we were expecting to
hear. In the early morning of December 2, 2006. Our Son John Souza Jr “JJ”
was born a sleeping Angel. It was one of the hardest days we ever
experienced. Holding our little baby and not getting the chance to hear his
first cry, broke our hearts into pieces. Such a devastating feeling I don’t wish
upon anyone. Trying to carry on with our lives we hoped that we would never
have to go through that again. But since then it has been our mission to try
again. In 2008 received news again that we were having a Baby. It was again
a very happy moment and each day after that. Especially when we reached
the 36 Weeks mark and was told that we can give birth any day now and that
Baby will be okay because she’s already fully developed. But for some reason
the next coming days leading up to the 40 th  week of my pregnancy I had this
feeling that something was wrong. On February 16 th  2009 I checked into the
hospital set myself up in labor and delivery only to find out that Our Daughter
had no Heart Beat. I said, “No this can’t be happening, I am not losing
another baby again”. Nothing in this world can and will every prepare you for
the lost and devastating feeling you go through when giving birth to another
Stillborn Baby. I thought to myself, what is wrong with me? Immediately after,
I don’t think we really had time to take in what happened. All we had on our
minds was, we wanted kids. So our doctor at the time suggested In vitro
Fertilization a few months later, which was Successful because we were
informed after, that we were expecting twins. This time we were like Okay we
will finally get our 2 kids that we lost. Everything was going fine I was seen
by a doctor every 3 weeks. And once I got the clear that everything looks
good. I was going to move temporary to Oahu where I would be monitored
more closely for my Last trimester. On July 28 th  2010 I woke up from one of
my many Naps that I normally take during the day. Only to feel one of my
babies coming out of me while using the Bathroom. I was then rushed to the
Hospital to find out I was in labor, fully dilated and ready to give birth. Again,
this can’t be happening to me. It’s too early for them to be born yet.
Unfortunately because Our Hospital Facility does not have a NICU
Department, there were no Procedures we could have done to save our
babies. So that night, I gave birth to two precious little boys. They both took
their first breath and peacefully Passed shortly after. So now, 4 babies I was
not able to hear their first cry. After that I fell into a Depression mode. I
mean after going through that lost, Who wouldn’t? My husband turned to
alcohol and drugs, even attempted to hang himself at one point, But the Rope
broke and he fell to the ground off our balcony. I turned to Alcohol and
anything that didn’t remind me that I was living in an empty home.  I was not
Happy, My Husband was not happy. My Marriage was falling apart. Divorce
was such a common word being thrown back and forth. It was such a Dark
time for us and it was like that for a long time. But everything Changed the
day we walked into the doors of The Word of Truth Church. It was a
Christmas Service in 2011. And I was finally convinced and dragged after
multiple attempts to go. I was not excited to go or had any desire to be there.
My Attitude was bad because what I was feeling at the moment was Betrayal
and Hurt. I thought why should I go to Church and Praise a God and Listen to
all the things he has done for everyone. When all he’s done was take away
my babies. All He’s allowed me to do was go through Heartbreak. I was Hurt,
I felt let down and I felt alone. But the Moment I walked into the Sanctuary.
My life has Changed Forever. At the time I didn’t know what was happening
to me, all I know is that Is this overwhelming feeling has taken over me. And I
just broke down and started crying. I could hardly keep myself upright. I kept
saying “I’m Sorry, I’m Sorry” over and over again. During all that, all I could
hear was, “It’s Okay, It’s Okay, you’re Home Now, everything is going to be
Okay” HIS voice was so Clear to me as if God was Standing right next to me. I
was so overwhelmed I could hardly pay attention to what was going on
during the service. It wasn’t till the following service where I Accepted Jesus,
and Received My Salvation. Since then I’ve learned to How to Love, how to
heal, how to forgive and How to Live. And it’s been a Blessed Life so far. It’s
been a Challenge definitely because my heart’s desire to be a mother was
still there. But I had to learn to be Patient. With God’s Help nothing is
impossible. On January 11, 2016 John and I had the Honor to finally hear our
Baby’s first cry. Levi Souza was born on a Beautiful Monday Morning. Not
only was Our Room Filled with Joy and Happiness, but it filled me with
Victory. Victory over the fear I had of losing another baby. Victory over the
Years of devastation. Victory in knowing we never gave up. Victory over
everything that came against us. But because of the Faith, The Hope and The
Love we have for Jesus, We Conquered. God Has continued to Bless us with
Two Beautiful Daughters as well, Lilydia and Loyalty. Loyalty is a Blessing to
us that really tested our Trust and Faith in JESUS. When we found out we
were expecting her. I had major complications in the first weeks of my
pregnancy which led to multiple doctors telling me I was having a
Miscarriage. But because of Gods word that was spoken over us by multiple
people. We stood our Ground and Believe that Loyalty will be Whole and
Healthy. And Look at what the LORD has done!! She is Whole and Healthy. We
Thank God Everyday for All that he has done in our lives and all that he will
continue to do for our Family. Thank You so much for taking the time read
my Testimony. I pray that my story will continue to touch lives and encourage
those out there to Never Give Up. And through it all Always Give God all the
Glory!! Because He is True and Righteous, and He’ll never leave you nor
forsake you. JESUS Loves you, And I Love you! God Bless…. Love Janeen